EditIf ‘The Beast’ could talk: A tongue-in-cheek transcript of Trump and Putin’s ride
For 10 minutes the two leaders were alone, without interpreters, with only security personnel and the driver as witnesses
What did U.S. President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin say to each other during their brief ride in “The Beast,” the iconic U.S. Presidential limousine, at their Alaska summit?
No official record pins down the exact duration of their drive from the red carpet at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Anchorage to the meeting room. A post on X suggests it was a “short drive,” likely 10–15 minutes, but primary sources don’t confirm this. What we do know: the two leaders were alone, without interpreters, with only security personnel and the Secret Service driver as witnesses. Putin’s working knowledge of English – good enough for quips like “Next time in Moscow?” later in the summit – made this private chat possible. Former U.S. Ambassador to Russia John Sullivan has noted Putin’s English is sufficient for a conversation with Trump, and this ride was likely their only unfiltered exchange.
But what if ‘The Beast’ – that fortress on wheels – had a mind of its own and could spill the tea? Here’s an imagined transcript, with all the flair and bravado you’d expect from these two.
Inside ‘The Beast’ Trump leans back, gesturing grandly at the plush interior.
“Vladimir, how’s this for a ride? The Beast! Best car in the world, nobody does it better. You like the reception I put on for you? Classy, right?” Putin, stone-faced, adjusts his cufflinks.
“Donald, the red carpet, the handshakes – fine, you did what I asked. But those bombers? That little air show? I didn’t sign up for that.” (A U.S. Air Force B-2A Spirit stealth bomber, flanked by four F-35 Lightning II jets, had roared overhead as they met on the tarmac, a flex of American might.) Trump waves dismissively, grinning.
“Vlad, Vlad, come on! You gotta understand, my people, they love the big show. Those planes? The best, believe me. We sent those bad boys to Iran, total game-changers. It’s for the cameras, for the American people. You get it, right? Sorry if it was a little… in your face.” Putin’s eyes narrow, a faint smirk creeping in.
“And your comments, Donald? Saying you’d know in ‘two, three minutes’ if we’d have a deal, or else it’s a quick goodbye? Not serious. No deal today. But we’ll talk for three hours. Russia has TV, too. You understand?” Trump chuckles, loosening his tie.
“Three hours? That’s a marathon! Okay, fine, but how do we spin it when we walk out with nada? People are gonna ask, ‘Where’s the deal, Donald?’” Putin leans forward, voice low.
“Simple. No questions. I speak first, set the tone. You wrap it up, say whatever – ‘goodbye,’ ‘do svidaniya,’ your call. Just keep it vague. You’re good at vague.” Trump beams, pointing a finger.
“Vladimir, your English? Tremendous. I mean, really fantastic. I wish I could do Russian, but I’d probably sound like a total disaster, okay? Nobody wants that.” Putin’s smirk widens.
“Donald, you’re famous for saying wild things. A little Russian wouldn’t hurt your brand.” Trump laughs, slapping the armrest.
“Hey, people love me! And you know what? The folks who love me, they love you, too. It’s like a bromance across borders!” Putin raises an eyebrow.
“Interesting. But let’s be clear: it’s the people who like me who like you, not the other way around”. Trump shrugs, unfazed.
“Whatever, Vlad, same difference. Look, you and me? We could run the whole show, the whole world. I agree, no more surprises. Those bombers were my generals’ idea, not mine. You gotta admit, though, pretty cool.” Putin’s tone sharpens, almost playful.
“No initiatives, Donald. No bombers. Just listen to me. Понимаешь?” Trump nods eagerly.
“Got it, got it. Hey, you promised me that Nobel Peace Prize, remember? You said you’d help me bag it. No deal today? That’s not helping, Vlad!” Putin chuckles, a rare sound.
“Rule the world with me, Donald, and maybe we’ll both get the Nobel. A two-for-one special. Sound good?” Trump’s eyes light up.
“Now that’s a deal! You’re full of surprises, Vladimir. I like it. Two big shots like us? We’d look great on that stage in Oslo.” Putin leans back, folding his arms.
“I’m glad you didn’t bring up Ukraine. You and I? We’re the headline. We are good news. Ukraine, Europe are the bad news.” Trump grins, conspiratorial.
“Totally agree! Europe’s a mess, total disaster. How do you say ‘screw those guys’ in Russian?” Putin’s lips twitch, almost a smile.
“Ебать мать европейцев. But we’ve got a thousand ways to say it, and our press loves them all.” Trump claps his hands.
“Love it! My press says the same, just with more… Fox News energy. We’re on the same page, Vlad.” Putin gives a mock bow.
“Progress, Donald. You’re learning.” Trump winks, pointing both thumbs at himself.
“Your humble dealmaker, Vladimir. Ready to make history.”
The Beast slows to a stop, and the recording – imaginary as it is – cuts off.
Caption: A screenshot of Putin smiling inside ‘The Beast’ on the tarmac of the Anchorage airport.
Updated: August 16, 2025 - 10:14
